Matches & Dynamite
by Astrolabe
Summary: Gojyo lights Sanzo’s fuse. Response to Rowena DeVandal's One Thousand Words or Less Challenge: August.


**Author's Note:** This story was written in response to Rowena DeVandal's One Thousand Words or Less Challenge: August.

**Disclaimer**_ Saiyuki is the property of Kazuya Minekura, I am only taking the boys out to play and they will be returned to their owner as soon as we're done screwing around._

* * *

"I can't believe you thought _that_ was a good idea!" Sanzo pushed against the body that was pressing him down into the mattress. "Get the hell off of me!"

"Calm down ya pissy priest. Let me catch my breath." Gojyo froze as the muzzle of the Smith & Wesson pressed against his temple.

"Move now or it will be the last breath you catch."

With a grunt Gojyo rolled to the side. "You don't have to be such an ass."

Sanzo rolled in the opposite direction, increasing the space between them to insure that none of the kappa's idiocy rubbed off on him. "You just brought the ceiling down on top of us," he snapped sitting up. With angry motions he started brushing himself free of the debris covering him. "Get the hell away from me. Death by idiot kappa isn't on my list of things to do today."

"Yeah, well savin' your ass wasn't on mine," Gojyo shot back. Shoving Sanzo aside, he kicked a fallen beam out of his way and hauled himself off the bed.

Both pairs of eyes darted to the ceiling at the creaking sound that followed Gojyo's actions.

Sanzo sprang free of the bed just before a second beam came crashing down to land where he'd been sitting. He spun around, violet eyes blazing, bullet chambered, muzzle of the banishing gun aimed at the space between Gojyo's eyes.

Gojyo's hands shot up defensively before him. "Don't shoot. The sound'll bring the rest of it down, it'll kill you too."

"I'm good dying right now if a bullet between your eyes is the last sight I see, you filthy cockroach."

"Arrogant prick."

"Perverted excuse for a sentient being."

"Sanzo?" Goku called from behind the debris blocking the doorway.

"Sanzo? Gojyo?" Hakkai's voice joined the monkey's, followed by the sound of digging and another ominous creaking from the ceiling.

"Stop!" Sanzo called. "Shit for brains caught the ceiling with the Shakujou. Shifting crap is just going to bring the rest of the ceiling down on us."

"Fuck you."

Hakkai's sigh was audible from the behind the debris. "Are you two all right?"

"Teacher, Sanzo's being mean to me," Gojyo called back in a mock tattle-tale tone.

"I'm going to kill you."

Gojyo shot his companion a cheeky grin. "We're fine, Hakkai. Ol' droopy eyes is really pissed though."

Sanzo reached up to dig against the nerve that was beginning to throb at this temple. "It was your bright idea to release the Shakujou in here."

"Yeah, well, it's your fault I caught the ceiling," Gojyo countered fishing out a cigarette and setting flame to the tip. "If you hadn't been shooting at shit all willy-nilly I wouldn't have lost control of the blade!"

"What control? You were lashing out all over the place. If your head was more than an empty decoration, you would have realized, **after two fucking years of using it**, that the Shakujou's released state is not conducive to fighting in close quarters!"

"Gojyo, Sanzo, arguing isn't helping the situation," Hakkai said, his exasperation with their bickering evident in his tone.

"Hey, how're we suppose to get you guys out if we can't move any of this crap?" Goku questioned. "You want me to ram the wall?"

"NO!" The other three chorused simultaneously.

"Well, fine. But we gotta get'em outta there somehow."

Sanzo turned, picking his way over fallen pieces of the ceiling to get to the window. He surveyed the drop. "We'll go out the window," he called as he pulled the window open. He looked over at Gojyo. "You first."

"Like hell, I'll break something jumpin' from here."

Sanzo nodded as he lighted a Marlboro. "My fall."

An angry crimson cast crept across Gojyo's face. "Fuck you, you sadistic piece of shit priest!"

"We'll find a ladder," Hakkai called, the sound of his and Goku's running steps punctuating the declaration.

"You'd be dead now if I hadn't covered your exalted ass when the ceiling came down."

"I'd have preferred death to any part of you touching me."

"Go to hell."

"Already there."

"Bite me."

"Not even in your best fantasy."

They glared at each other, locked in a silent pissing contest, until Hakkai's voice called up from the street below, "Sanzo? Gojyo?"

They both moved to look outside and found Hakkai, Goku and a crowd of onlookers gazing up at the window.

"The innkeeper is bringin' a ladder." Goku called, a statement made redundant by the immediate appearance of the innkeeper with said piece of equipment.

A few moments later the ladder was extended against the building, not far enough to reach the window, but enough that they could dangle and reach it with their feet. Their descent from the building uninjured and with no further drama, proved anticlimactic. The gathered crowd began to disperse, exchanging curious inquiries as to what the two men could have been doing to cause the ceiling to fall.

Gojyo caught the whispered musings of the possibility that a lover's spat had lead to the collapse. "Hey I ain't dumb enough to get horizontal with His Holiness the 31st _Cherry_ of China!" Gojyo called after the parting crowd, quickly glancing around to insure no hotties were around to hear the exchange.

The tell-tale click of metal against metal, as the hammer of the banishing gun was pulled back, caused a stampede among those still milling around. Sanzo rounded on Gojyo. "Die, you perverted cockroach!"

Gojyo's eyes widened. "Oh, shit!" he exclaimed, diving away from the bullet that winged past his head. Spinning on his heels he took off running down the street.

"You know Sanzo, near death experiences generally tend to bring people together," Hakkai mused as he, Goku and Sanzo followed the progress of Gojyo's retreating figure weaving through the crowd.

Sanzo reached into his robes, exchanging his gun for a cigarette and lighter. Lighting the cigarette, he took a drag and exhaled. "My near death experience was idiot kappa induced. What do you expect, a miracle?"


End file.
